Fire and Ice
by TheQuietOne35
Summary: A Brady Black and Nicole Walker fanfiction from a reflective perspective looking back over the life they've had, the life they live and the future they envision, together.


[i]_Would your eyes like midnight fireflies_

_Light up the trenches where my heart lies_

_Until I can see again_

_To find my way back again_

_Prologue:_

_Rising from the bed they shared, he quietly padded across the room to the windowsill overlooking the ocean. Easing onto the maroon cushioned seat, the soft rain of a summer night pelted against the fragile glass of a darkened sky. In the last few weeks he'd become a light sleeper, waking at the gentle sounds that were now his life. This night was no different … As he thought about all the directions his life had taken him, a sense of calm surrounded his heart as he reflected on how it all came to be…._

**Chapter 1**

The sea of waking dreams. It was a place he struggled with as people, places, and passions mixed themselves in with the empty haze of sleep. The dead of night, unforgiving as it was consistently plagued him as he alone, struggled to find his own place of peace. Weary days, late nights and the utter disillusionment that was his heart shattered in the emotional upheaval of life's circumstances. Vivid dreams of far away places, close enough loves and everything in between mired his slumber when he did reach the distant place he needed. And in the morning's light, the faint sound of a blaring alarm clock always wakened him, resulting in the struggle between dreams and reality. It was a constant cycle and had been for years. It was his life.

The sound grew louder now as his arm shot out from underneath the heap of blankets, slamming the snooze button with an angry smack. Fighting for lucidity, he glanced at the red numbers on the clock. 7am. Groaning, he rolled over, pulling his warm cocoon over him. A few minutes later, he opened his eyes again, trying to focus… It was today, the day he dreaded for months awaited him mere hours from now….

_You have no choice Brady Black. Get your ass out of bed and get it done. _

The sting of the cold slaughtered his skin as he swung his feet over the side of the bed. Resting his elbows on his knees he rubbed his sleepy eyes and raked his fingers through his hair. He would answer their questions directly pertaining to their questioning, but he would volunteer no additional information except what was absolutely necessary. It would be best under the circumstances.

As he rose out of bed, his mind could not and never would erase what had taken place over the course of the last few months. Rummaging through drawers, he carried everything he needed to the shower. Fifteen minutes later he stepped out of the steamy room plucking the spiffy power suit his father had given him from the closet. His dad said it was for good luck. As he dressed, he mentally and physically prepared for what would lie ahead. It was sure to be a battle he was ill prepared to fight. But he had to do everything in his power to protect them.

Observing his own reflection, he wondered how the man before him had ever become involved in what he now found himself facing. But after all was said and done, he had no regrets. His instinct, and his heart, would've made the same choices all over again. He quickly glanced at the clock once again. 7:30am. _Crap, I'm gonna be late._

Grabbing his keys and his long black wool coat, he scrutinized himself one final time.. Satisfied with his appearance he inhaled deeply…

It was now, or never….

Driving towards the endless sunset ahead, she sped around the curvy road, tires squealing around every corner. Attempting to drown the voices blurring in her head, she slipped in the cd, listening to the rhythmic beat pounding from the speakers. Momentary peace filled her as she felt the sting of the cold wind against her tear stained cheeks.

_I can't believe I'm free… After all this time, all the sh** he put me through…. I am finally free. _Focusing her thoughts on the drive, the music and the wind blowing through her hair, she reveled in the new feel of a freedom she craved for years. Since the days of her childhood, she longed to feel like this. To feel as if once in her life, she did something right, something she could believe in. Tears flowed as the happiness she felt streamed down her cheeks. Though her heart ached to have him by her side with her through it, she knew this incredible feeling was something no one could ever take away from her. It was hers, forever.

Another half hour later, she pulled into the gravel drive, up the path a short distance and stopped the car. Inhaling a breath, she knew she shouldn't have come. It gave her solitude.. a retreat from the madness she found herself in…where time always seemed to stand still no matter what life's circumstances threw at her. She needed to be here. Opening the car door, she stepped out, allowing the wind to whip through her body. Overlooking the Pacific Ocean, she closed her eyes. In that second, she knew in her heart she'd made the right decision to come. Once the moment passed, she closed the door and walked toward the cliffs overlooking the earths magnificent waters below her. Heavily sighing, she scanned the horizon, noticing rain clouds floating in. Her life had taken drastic turns the past few months. She needed time to think, time to feel, time to evaluate the rest of her life. This was her turning point.

Placing the key in the lock, she hauled her luggage toward the master bedroom. Stepping into the room, she glanced around, simplicity of an uncluttered, unglamorous but nice comfortable bedroom awaited her. As she began to unpack, more thoughts reverberated in her head…

_What am I going to do now? God.. where the hell do I go from here? No….can't think about that yet. One day at a time.….like you used to do. Take it one day at a time. _

There would be time later, for memories.. but for now, it was time to rest.

Several hours later, after a long luxurious bath, she lit a few candles throughout the house, and curled up with a book in the overstuffed chair in the living quarters. This was her favorite spot. Nothing but pure glass covered the living room as streaks of the moon fell through, shadows dancing in the night. With a slight smile sneaking its way to her lips, the book dropped into her lap as she drifted away into her own sea of waking dreams…..

Taking a long swig from his beer he blankly stared at the tv, flipping the channels absently.

_I have to find her. I have to tell her the truth. I have to make her understand. Where would she have gone? _

Once the judge dismissed the case, she'd darted from the courtroom in a rush. When he'd tried to go after her, he lost her in the endless hordes of people outside the courthouse. She, was already gone. After she'd bolted from the courtroom, he had driven all over the city, thinking of every place she might be, the places they shared and the ones she might frequent alone.. in times of troubles. The bars, the hotel lounges, even the mansion… but she was simply gone.

Lifting the bottle to his lips, his thoughts were filled of her…He'd never known the true beauty she held inside, never understood what life was all about…until that night. If only he could have comprehended and prevented the pain it would've caused. But even with all of it, he held no regrets. He was a changed man….

_She was standing at the edge of the cliff, the gentle breeze lilting the silk, lace nightgown she wore. He could see her in the distance, barely making out her form. She was there, before him, her face tilted upwards into the gentle winds of night. Though his eyes could not see, his heart simply knew the breathtakingly beautiful creature that she was. The sheer power of the force he felt inside willed him to go to her. As he stepped closer, he saw her moving lips in the pale moonlight, sensing her troubled heart. Who was she? Where did she come from? So many questions to be asked; no answers to be found. He wanted her. _

_Desire for understanding, for friendship, for the love he felt for her slaughtered his senses, creating a need inside he never experienced before. But it was ridiculous….wasn't it? A woman he could barely see in the darkness, the way she held herself stoically against the winter's chill. Still, he felt drawn to her in some inexplicable way. What was she saying? Who was she talking to? What secrets did she reveal? He had to know... he needed to understand._

_As he stepped closer, he extended his hand, reaching out for her in the brisk wind. Then, in an instant, she disappeared into thin air…_

He startled awake at the sound of glass shattering at his feet. Reorienting himself to his surroundings, the dimness of moonlight streamed through the bay window. Haunted by the vision of a woman he could not see, he ran his fingers through his hair in nervous anxiety. As the intensity of the dream subsided, he cast aside the endless questions and possibilities swirling in his mind.

_Forget it Brady..it was just…. a dream._

Rising from his seat, he quickly cleaned up the mess before heading upstairs. Button by button, he shed his clothes, laying them in a heap on the floor. Slipping into the warm shelter of the double bed, he immersed himself in thoughts of her. It was a ritual he went through nightly, the only one he would not relinquish. Ice blue eyes glared at the ceiling as he allowed him to relive it all. The way her eyes sparkled when she smiled, the insecurities she allowed only him to see, but it was her strong, vibrant spirit that captured him with every ounce of power she owned.

_No…_._ No emotion, no regret Brady. It's better this way._

Softly, he closed his eyes, drifting into the lonely world of dreams once again as a lone tear slipped down his face. In the heavy darkness of silence, he wept for the love he knew he would never feel again.


End file.
